The Labyrinth of London: Bosom Companions? Friends?
by FarGreenCountrySwiftSunrise
Summary: Hoggle learned very early in his career that he should not make Jareth angry. For centuries, Jareth and Hoggle loathed each other. However, sometimes, very rarely, things changes… Part of The Labyrinth of London.
1. Chapter I: Traitor

The Labyrinth of London

A Sherlock/Labyrinth Crossover

Bosom Companions? Friends?

Inspired By

"The Thin White Sleuth…"

By

Pika-la-Cynique

The Almighty Disclaimer

Oh Moffat and Gatiss,

Henson and Doyle,

To you belongs all the characters

And none so for me!

Summary: Hoggle learned very early in his career that he should not make Jareth angry. For centuries, Jareth and Hoggle loathed each other. However, sometimes, very rarely, things changes… Part of The Labyrinth of London.

Chapter I: Traitor

A/N: This story was inspired by "The Thin White Sleuth..." by Pika-la-Cynique of Girls Next Door fame.

&%&%&%

Dwarfs did not fear the dark. They were born in it. They were raised in it. They died in it. They loved darkness.

Hoggle was not like most dwarfs.

He loved gardens. He loved the smell of flowers. He loved the way jewels reflected in the sun in ways it never did by candle light. Darkness was not everything.

However, Hoggle was too scared to ask for anything else. He was always scared. Fear never left him.

That was why he sold out his own kind during the War of Succession. Hoggle was terrified of dying. Better a living traitor than a dead friend.

&%&%&%

"Honestly, what are we to do with this thing?" the High King of the Seelie Court asked.

"Well, we cannot let it live," replied the High Queen of the Seelie Court.

"But a promise is binding," the King said.

"Why would you agree to something so stupid?" the Queen asked.

"We are desperate on the Northern Front and you know it," the King said.

"Maybe we should just throw him in some dark hole upside down for the rest of its miserable life," the Queen said.

"Now there is an idea," the King said.

"I will take him," a voice said from behind Hoggle.

The dwarf looked up and shuddered so badly his chains rattled. _The Goblin King. King of the Rats. Chaos maker. Child snatcher. Dream stealer. _And ugly to boot and that's saying something coming from a dwarf. The Goblin King stood behind the dwarf and several small goblins flitted about the room, making chaos as they were want.

"You will take a traitor under your care?" the High King of the Seelie Court said.

"Well, what is one more traitor amongst us? After all, we are trying to kill the High King," the Goblin King said.

&%&%&%

Hoggle found himself outside the gates of the Labyrinth. _He ain't going to make me run it, is he?_ The Goblin King stood in front of the doors.

"What did you do for your kinsman? What was your job?" the Goblin King asked.

"I… made sure… the tunnels were safe for… for traveling, your majesty," Hoggle said.

"Did you like it? Answer truthfully or you will not like the consequences," the Goblin King said.

"No, sir. I didn't like it all that much, sir."

"What do you like to do?" the Goblin King asked.

"Me sir?"

"Yes, you. I am not talking to those biting fairies now am I?"

Hoggle shook his head. "No, sir."

"Well? Answer dwarf."

"I like bright things. I like gardens and jewels. I don't like the dark, sir."

"Well, you are certainly not going anywhere near the treasury, but we do not have a gardener here. Generally the Labyrinth takes care of itself, but the faeries are a nuisance. Would that suit you, dwarf? Would you spray the faeries away and make sure my gates are properly imposing?"

"Whatever you want, sir."

"Good. I will see to it that someone assigns you proper duties both when there is and is not a Runner in the Labyrinth. And Hoggle?"

"Yes, sir?" Hoggle asked.

Suddenly, they were both transported to the edge of the foulest smelling thing Hoggle had ever smelled. "If you ever betray my family or me, I will throw you into the Bog of Eternal Stench. It is our greatest punishment in the Goblin Kingdom. If you step one foot into it, you will smell like this until the ground which carried your dust is burned. Do you understand me, Hoggle?"

"Yes, sir," Hoggle said as he tried not to gag.

"Good," the Goblin King said.

Hoggle was back at the gates by himself. The Goblin King's voice rang out in the air. _You are free to do as you wish as long as you obey me, follow your duties, and do not harm to the residents of the Labyrinth._

The Dwarf fainted.

&%&%&%

A/N: The War of Succession's beginnings will be explained in the story about Jareth's sister and brother-in-law and will be pertinent to the Fall.


	2. Chapter II: The Meeting

Chapter II: The Meeting

The Almighty Disclaimer

Oh Moffat and Gatiss,

Henson and Doyle,

To you belongs all the characters

And none so for me!

A/N: This story was inspired by "The Thin White Sleuth..." by Pika-la-Cynique of Girls Next Door fame.

There was some confusion in the last chapter. The Goblin King right now is NOT Jareth. I changed it to show that this Goblin King is dark-haired. I am very sorry over the confusion. To make restitution for my error, I am posting two chapters at once.

&%&%&%

Goblins would come by with instructions at least once a week for Hoggle. They were annoying little buggers that ruined the flower beds. The only thing that annoyed Hoggle more were the fairies. They were the worst biters that Hoggle had ever come across.

Hoggle refused to listen to any of the news about the War of Succession.

About two months into his new placement, Hoggle was tackled by several muddy goblins. It had already been a rough day already when Hoggle accidentally released a swarm of fairies. But being attacked by muddy Rats?

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" Hoggle yelled.

The goblins all ran back in fear save one. This one was the muddiest of them all. It grinned and (surprisingly) was missing its top two front teeth, an oddity amongst goblins.

"We were pretending to be pigs!" the fearless one said.

Hoggle began to walk away, not wanting to knock out this goblin's other teeth (too much effort) when it said, "Why do you walk funny?"

_Because my kinsmen shot me when I ran away, you abomination. _

Then he got an idea. An awful idea. The dwarf got a wonderful, awful idea!

"Do you know what an oubliette is?" Hoggle asked.

&%&%&%

Several hours later, Hoggle was trimming the hedges when he heard someone shouting, "Christiana! This is not funny! You've scared Dante!"

A blonde Fae/goblin teenager turned around the corner and pointed to Hoggle with a riding crop. "You. Higgle, is it?"

"Hoggle," the dwarf said indigently.

"Hoggle, have you seen my niece?" the teen said.

"I don't know who you are, so how should I know who your niece is?" Hoggle said.

The teen huffed. "I am the heir to the Goblin Kingdom, dwarf, and your future master. It would be wise of you to show some respect."

Hoggle thought for a moment. He had not seen anything as ugly as the Goblin King nor anything that looked like a Fae as the Goblin Prince seemed to be. "No. Can't say that I have."

"No? She's six. She's missing her two front teeth. Just lost the second one two days ago, actually," the Prince said, smiling slightly at the thought. "Anyway, her brother was supposed to be watching her but he got distracted by some of the Rock Callers. Some of the goblin said that she ran off this direction with some of her goblin friends."

Hoggle suddenly remembered the goblin with two missing teeth he had tossed into the oubliette. _They're going to kill me. I don't want to die!_ "I… uh, don't know. I ain't seen no girl."

The Goblin Prince grabbed Hoggle by the collar. "What have you done with her? I told the King it was a bad idea to bring you in and I certainly did not want to be proved right in this way! TELL ME DWARF! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY NIECE?"

Hoggle shook and had never been more scared in his life. "An oubliette. I tossed her in an oubliette! Don't kill me. I didn't know! I swear!"

"Show me now and I may make your end swift!" the Prince growled.

&%&%&%

Hoggle could barely breathe as he led the Goblin Prince to the oubliette he had dropped the princess in a few hours before. When they came to the place, the Goblin Prince created a crystal that was as bright as a lantern and tossed it down the hole. It lit the dark pit and showed the muddy princess, who was crying.

"Christiana, I'm coming. Don't move," the Prince said.

The girl kept crying. The Prince dropped himself down the hole. When he landed, he picked up his niece and cradled her against him. "Oh, kinsman, I'm so sorry. I should have looked for you sooner. I am so sorry."

"I want Mama," Christine sobbed.

"I'll take you straight to Mama, all right?" the Prince said.

Christiana nodded and the three of them were transported to the Throne Room. The Goblin King was not there, but the Queen sat on the throne with an eight year old boy who had obviously been crying. Hoggle had never seen a prettier woman in all his days (and would not think anyone was prettier until a certain brunette ran the Labyrinth). The Queen had long blonde hair in an intricate design that was braided with gold thread. Her dress was a deep red that showed just the slightest of the fair skin of her neck and wrists. Her crown was simple circlet of pearls and gold. Hoggle was certain this was what he always imagined a Fae queen to look like.

"What happened to her?" the Queen asked.

The Goblin Prince glared at the dwarf. "Hogwash tossed her into the oubliette."

"It's Hoggle!"

The Queen held out her arms and took the mud covered child into her arms, ruining her dress. "Christiana, my sweet one, are you all right?"

The princess shook her head. "It was so dark Mommy. I thought everyone forgot me." Both of the children of the Goblin Queen began to cry.

"Oh, children, it's all right. Everyone is safe now," the Queen said. She embraced both her children and kissed the tops of their head, causing a smudge of mud to cover her lips.

Hoggle found himself lifted by the collar once again by the Crowned Prince. "May I please dispose of this garbage? How about the Cleaners? It might stain the tunnel walls a little but…"

"That is enough, Jareth," the Goblin King said as he stalked into the room, "You are not king yet and you have much to learn in the short time we have left."

The goblins' behavior changed into wilder behavior and seemed to almost be dancing in the presence of their king. Two goblins seemed to be pretending to drum with a ladle and a wooden cooking spoon. The Goblin King sighed. "Tom, Tot, give those back to the cook. Honestly, I feel like ripping myself in two with how often I have to tell the lot of you not to touch the cook's things."

The two goblins ran off. The Goblin King picked up his son and sat on the throne with his wife. After patting his daughter on the head, the Goblin King focused his attention on Hoggle. "Jareth, put down the dwarf before you choke him."

"That. Was. My. Goal," Jareth said through gritted teeth. He dropped Hoggle, though.

"Hoggle, what did you do?" the Goblin King asked.

Hoggle took off his hat and looked somewhat ashamed. "I… uh… dropped the princess into an oubliette."

"Why?" the Goblin King asked.

"…I was mad."

"Why?"

"Cause I'm sick enough of the fairies and the goblins I don't need to be bothered about my leg," Hoggle said.

"Christiana, did you ask Hoggle about his leg?" the Goblin King asked.

"Yes, Papa," Christine said.

"Now, Christiana, that was very rude and you know it. You do not ask people how they have been hurt in the past unless they ask to tell it," the Goblin King said, "Now, what do we do about the situation?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Hoggle for asking about your leg," Christiana said.

Hoggle glanced at Jareth and quickly responded, "Yer forgiven, yer Majesty."

"Now, Christiana, what do you think should be Hoggle's punishment for punishing you without permission from your Mother or myself?" the Goblin King said.

Hoggle gulped. Goblins and children were both known for being vindictive. The dwarf was terrified of what a child goblin would do.

"Um, can he make sure people can get out from now on? It's scary in the dark," Christiana asked.

"What a brilliant idea, little one," the Goblin King said. He kissed his daughter's muddy forehead. He wiped the mud off his lips before addressing Hoggle. "We have not put in an addition to the Labyrinth since Christiana has been born. You would be a wonderful obstacle. For the rest of your natural life, Hoggle, you will have to fetch Runners out of the oubliettes and lead them back to the beginning of the Labyrinth. How does that sound to you?"

"What? That's it?" Jareth shouted, "Christiana could have been killed! You should at least kill him if not throw him into the Bog!"

"Jareth, are you questioning my decision as king?" the Goblin King asked.

"No, sir," Jareth said quietly.

"Kinsman, one of these days, your anger will lead to your downfall and you will lose everything you hold dear," the Goblin King said with a sigh, "You must promise that you will not kill the dwarf unless he commits a capital offense."

"I promise not to kill Hogsbreath unless he commits a capital offense," Jareth mumbled.

"Jay, you have an almost perfect memory," the Goblin Queen said, "You were just speaking to me the other day why you thought it was a bad idea to have a traitor as our gardener."

Jareth glared at the Goblin Queen. "I always appreciate it when siblings snitch on each other," the Goblin King said, "Now, back to the task at hand. Jareth…"

"I promise not to kill Hoggle unless he commits a capital offense," Jareth said.

"Good. Dante, do not think I forgot you," the Goblin King said. A bucket of soapy water and a scrub brush appeared at the foot of the throne. "I think it is safe to say that you are not going to let your sister out of your sight. However, she is very dirty and a punishment of equal measurement should be put into effect. You will scrub the Throne Room floor until the chickens can see their reflections in it. You will not be allowed to play until that is done, do you understand?"

Dante made a little choking noise.

"Good. I am so glad to see things worked out as such," the Goblin King said, "Now, if you will excuse me, I have a few royals to kill before the day is out. I should be back in time for dinner love, but start without me if I am not home."

"Of course, husband," the Goblin Queen said, "Be careful."

The Goblin King kissed his wife. "Always."

Jareth glared at the dwarf. "Do not think I will forget what you did to my niece," Jareth said in a hushed tone.

Hoggle was quite proud of himself. He did not faint until he reached his home.

&%&%&%

A/N: Ah, the beginnings of terror are sown. MMMWWWHAHAHA!

And it was at this point that I realized I was not writing a one-shot. Hoggle and Jareth's story just kind of grew on its own. I mean, I know Jareth always wants attention, but Hoggle was quite the surprise.


	3. Chapter III: Jareth, the Goblin King

Chapter III: Jareth, the Goblin King

The Almighty Disclaimer

Oh Moffat and Gatiss,

Henson and Doyle,

To you belongs all the characters

And none so for me!

A/N: This story was inspired by "The Thin White Sleuth..." by Pika-la-Cynique of Girls Next Door fame.

&%&%&%

Hoggle memorized every single inch of the tunnels. The only upside to this job was that Hoggle was sometimes able to trick Runners into giving him jewels and gold.

The War of Succession was soon over and the Goblin King and Goblin Queen became the High King and High Queen of the Seelie Court. The Goblin Queen's brother, Jareth, became the Goblin King.

Hoggle drank until he passed out for the first week of Jareth's reign.

&%&%&%

Hoggle was a coward and Jareth scared him. (Not that it took much to scare Hoggle and not that it took much for Jareth to be scary.) For the next three hundred years or so, Hoggle and Jareth rarely met. The only time Hoggle did anything to acquire Jareth's wrath was known as the Bovine Incident also known as the Bess Blow-Up.

Hoggle should have known something was up when Jareth's trickster friends asked Hoggle to let a cow into the Labyrinth. When you have a god who is going to start an apocalypse asking you a favor, one should be wary. But Hoggle was tired and did not want tricksters messing with his garden or his internal organs.

About a week later, the Goblin King made an appearance in Hoggle's personal garden. He looked ragged and his clothes looked slightly _chewed_ on as if my some herbivore. Jareth was always well-dressed and it was out of character to appear in such a disheveled state.

"Yer majesty, what a nice surprise," Hoggle said.

Jareth grabbed Hoggle by his collar and transported both of them to the Bog of Eternal Stench. "Why would you allow those idiots into the Labyrinth?"

"What idiots?"

"My so-called friends."

"They're tricksters and some of them are gods!"

"Fouler things have tried to enter the Labyrinth!"

"None whilst I was in charge of the Gate!"

"WHY A COW? WHY A COW CALLED BESS?"

"I don't know!"

"Do you know what that bovine did?"

"No!"

"For a week, an ENTIRE WEEK, that thing has been following me around and trying to eat everything save the goblins! They are saying it is in love with me!"

"A cow is in love with you?"

"YES!"

"Knowing Loki, he probably thought it was a good match," Hoggle said.

After realizing what he said, Hoggle could not help it. He laughed.

Jareth in his worn nerves had to laugh too. The two laughed until it hurt and laughed some more.

"It isn't even the most repulsive thing that has chased me," Jareth said, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.

"And you are King of the Goblins!"

Jareth suddenly became serious. "We are never to speak of this again. You shall receive no punishment if your silence continues on this subject."

"Yes, yer majesty."

&%&%&%

Sarah was not supposed to be anything special. Hoggle had not seen Jareth watching her. The dwarf just knew that she was a Runner. Then the girl changed the dwarf by simply giving him the chance to be her friend. Not that he was a particularly good friend, but she still believed in him.

Though Sarah's natural magic developed into healing, Hoggle always thought the most magical thing about his best friend was her belief in the people around her. There was something good and powerful in all of them. Things were not always what they seemed if one simply gave things a chance.

Hoggle the traitor, Hoggle the coward, was no longer either. He was Hoggle, friend of rock callers, friend of knights, and most importantly, friend of the Champion of the Labyrinth.

&%&%&%

After the party, Hoggle, Ludo, and Sir Didymus were well aware that they may be facing charges of high treason. Admittedly, there was nothing in the extensive laws of the Labyrinth that said that one could not help a Runner, but it simply was not done. Instead, the trio found the High King of the Courts arresting Jareth.

"Unhand our king!" Sir Didymus said before letting out a high bark.

"Sir Didymus, silence," the Goblin King said as cold iron was placed on his wrists by Fae guards, "They are doing as is according to the laws of the Labyrinth and the Underground."

"What? How?" Hoggle said.

"Traitor, who gave you permission to speak?" the High King said.

"We got a right to know as the Goblin King's subjects to know why we ain't going to have a king!" Hoggle said, Sarah's courage still coursing through his cowardly heart.

Jareth's mouth twitched almost into a smirk.

"He interfered with a Run beyond his natural right. He tried to seduce a Runner. He laid hands on a runner. He altered time. He contemplated a child as an heir for himself before presenting the child as an offering to the Courts. He gave a Fae fruit to a human," the High King said, "And that is just a start."

Jareth shrugged. "Boring. Can we get this over with?" Hoggle noted that the Goblin King was paler than usual and his hands were shaking from the iron.

The High King smirked. "We will have a representative of the High Court…"

A hawk flew into the Throne Room and changed into a brunette young woman. "There is no need, your majesty," Christiana Rossetti said, "I am the default heir to the Goblin throne if there has been no change. Has there been a change in heirs, your royal highness?"

The High King frowned. "No."

"Then I shall make sure my kinsman's subjects are taken care of in his short absence," Christiana said. She stepped towards the throne and her clothes changed into a more feminine form of black Goblin armor. She spun around and sat on the throne. "Thank you so much for upholding the laws of our lands, High King, but I do request a proper trial for my kinsman. We do not wish for any of the Courts to call foul play. Everything must be _fair_ as you say."

Hoggle was certain he had never heard so much poison put into a word like Christiana did for "fair".

The High King nodded. "Of course."

"Is there anything else I can be of assistance to you for?" Christiana asked.

"None. I am taking my leave," the High King said.

Christiana bowed her head and the High King, his guards, and his prisoner, disappeared. Christiana glared at the trio. "What happened here? Speak. You are my subjects now."

"There was a girl, your majesty," Hoggle said.

"A girl? Her name would not happen to be Sarah Williams, would it?" Christiana asked.

"How'd you know that?" Hoggle asked.

Christiana groaned. "The Goblin King has gone and done something really stupid."

&%&%&%

Hoggle did not know how, but of the forty-two charges laid against Jareth, he was able to be acquitted of all of them save for the giving of the Fae fruit. After some bargaining (mostly from Jareth and Christiana), Jareth was given a thirteen year banishment where he could touch no Labyrinth magic and he must live in the Above.

"They are tossing him to one of the research labs," Christiana said quietly to Hoggle. There were not many in the Goblin Realm capable of an adult conversation that would not have a strong desire to go on a quest of honor afterwards.

"What's that?" Hoggle asked.

"They study things there. They will see the extent of his magic and how much pain and torture he can take," Christiana said, "They will probably kill him."

"But the Courts…"

"The Courts are run by a vindictive and petty man, Hoggle. You may have hated my uncle, but believe me when I say that he was a good king until Lady Williams' run. I cannot excuse what he did. It was not in the best interest of the Goblin Kingdom. However, compared to what Oberon has done…" Christiana pinched the bridge of her nose like her uncle so often did, "It does not matter. We will go on and do our jobs until the rightful king has returned. How does that sound dwarf?"

"It sounds like a plan," Hoggle said.

"Good. I hoped it sound like a plan instead of twiddling our thumbs," Christiana said.

&%&%&%

A/N: Fireking-oleksiy/ofgoblinsandguardians and jareth-summerfae-goblinking/katarina-elaine of Tumblr (GallifreyanOceanSoul and selena-lenoir on D.A.) having been doing this RP that went into this story line about a cow named Bess that was in love with Jareth. It was one of the funniest things I have read and I agree, Bess should be a Labyrinth thing. To support this ship, click this link gallifreyanoceansoul .deviantart art /Jareth-x-Bess-378571667.

No word on how Sarah feels about Jareth's affections being torn between herself and a cow.


	4. Chapter IV: Exile

Chapter IV: Exile

The Almighty Disclaimer

Oh Moffat and Gatiss,

Henson and Doyle,

To you belongs all the characters

And none so for me!

A/N: This story was inspired by "The Thin White Sleuth..." by Pika-la-Cynique of Girls Next Door fame.

&%&%&%

Three years into the thirteen year banishment, Hoggle received an urgent message from the Goblin King to come to the Castle Beyond the Goblin City. "What is it yer majesty?"

"My uncle is no longer in the labs," Christiana said, "He has decided to spend his time as a detective of sorts. Unfortunately, his latest case will lead him to the Americas. I wish for you to keep an eye on Sarah Williams until Jareth arrives back in England."

"You think he is going to harm the little lady?" Hoggle asked.

"I do not know. He has refused to see me for the past few months and I do not know what state he is in now. I know that he had no wrath for her the last time we spoke, but that was long ago," Christiana said. She sighed. "Do watch out for your friend, Hoggle."

&%&%&%

Nothing did happen. Sarah was pleased that Hoggle was there while she packed for college, though she did not understand why her friend stayed for so long and kept looking out the window.

Hoggle later found out that Jareth refused to be left alone the entire time he was in Florida for more than two minutes.

&%&%&%

Six years after the Run, Hoggle had several goblins come to him in a panic. They kept saying something about the Goblin King crying and screaming at crystals. Hoggle made his way to the Castle as quickly as possible. The Goblin King was screaming profanities at crystals before shattering them (but Hoggle saw no tears).

"Dwarf! I need you to go to the Above and find my stupid uncle," Christiana said.

"What's wrong? Why don't you know where he is?" Hoggle asked.

"Uncle Jareth's friend, Sherlock, overdosed. Jareth is hiding and I am worried about him but no one else bloody is!" Christiana said. She tossed another crystal and it exploded instead of shattering.

"Well how am I supposed to find him?" Hoggle asked.

"He knows where I would look but he certainly would not be expecting you. I can give you half a dozen goblins to help you in London and…"

"You're sending me into the Above!"

"You go there all the time!"

"Yes, to see Sarah. Not to see that Rat…"

"Hoggle, you know I hate that derogatory term."

Hoggle sighed. "Yer majesty, Jareth ain't going to want to see me. He may decide to kill me just because it's fun."

"What? Kill You? No. Torture you? Yes."

"London has lots of people. They'll see me."

Rossetti tossed a crystal to Hoggle that popped when it hit his chest. "There. Only those with Fae sight can see you now. Will that do?"

Hoggle sighed. "I don't suppose I have much choice, do I?"

&%&%&%

It took Hoggle about a day to figure out where Jareth was. It was not because Hoggle knew Jareth very well, but because Hoggle knew Sarah very well. After a few tries at various theater and book places, Hoggle found himself at the British Library.

The former Goblin King stood inside the special exhibit room, examining Shakespeare's first folio. He did not look like he had slept in several days and Hoggle had never seen Jareth look so miserable.

"Yer majesty," Hoggle said quietly.

Jareth barely glanced at Hoggle. "Hogsbreath, what are you doing here?"

"Hoggle. The Goblin King sent me to look for you."

"Why ever so?"

"She worries about ya. Yer her family."

Jareth moved slightly to examine one of the Bad Folios. "Why should she?"

"She said a friend of yours got hurt. I don't know why she's fussing over you. I don't like messing with Goblin Kings and you know it."

"Yes, which is why the Goblin City was smashed."

"I ain't sorry about that and you know it. Besides, it was fixed in a day."

Jareth moved over to an opposite display case. He pointed to a book with burned edges. "You see that Hedgewart? That is the oldest complete epic poem in English and it was almost burned in a fire. You can see the burn marks all along the pages. The next one in age is 300 years younger and is not as good of a translation. Imagine how close we were to losing it."

"Majesty, I don't think the Goblin King sent me over here to talk about books."

"Do you think she would like it here? Do you think she would like to see it?"

"Who?"

"You know very well who, Hoggle. She would like these books and their stories, don't you think?"

Hoggle shifted uncomfortably. "I _really_ don't think the Goblin King sent me to talk about her."

Jareth went over to a bench and sat down wearily. "Hoggle, I will do whatever the Goblin King asks, just answer two questions for me."

"Depends on the questions. I won't do nothing to harm her."

Jareth covered his face with a gloved hand for a moment before looking at Hoggle. "I just want to know if she… if Sarah is alive and if she would still like the books."

Hoggle blinked a few times. "You don't know if Sarah's alive?"

Jareth shook his head. "When I was released from my… earliest living place I was told she was alive but that was over three years ago. The Goblin King is worried that I will go after her. Did Rossetti really think I would not notice the extra goblins in Florida?"

"I would think…"

"That I would kill her?"

"She did take away your kingdom."

"I could never harm her, Hoggle. I would rather rip out my own veins before harming her truly. I certainly want to give her a piece of my mind, but no, I would never harm her. Do you really think that I would wait this long to do something for my revenge? You know that I have no patience."

Hoggle was quiet for a moment. "You promise to come with me if I answer the two questions?"

"I promise, Hoggle," Jareth said.

Hoggle sighed. "Yes, Sarah is alive and doing well. She would love to see all these books, particularly that letter by that Austen fellow."

"Jane Austen is a woman, Higgle."

Hoggle stomped his foot. "It's Hoggle!"

Jareth smirked. "Come along. Let's see what the Goblin King wants now."

&%&%&%

A/N: One of the places that are not on the "big things to do" tour of London is the British Library. There is a special exhibit that has various literary treasures including the Magna Carta (two, actually), two Guttenbergs (one on velum, one on paper), and a variety of British writers and musicians. They switch out the exhibits every six months to save the paper from the lighting so you never know what you are going to get besides the Magna Carta and one of the copies of Guttenberg. I highly recommend going. It only takes about an hour or so to do and you see a lot of works people talk about in your literature courses growing up.


	5. Chapter V: Bosom Companions? Friends?

Chapter V: Bosom Companions? Friends?

The Almighty Disclaimer

Oh Moffat and Gatiss,

Henson and Doyle,

To you belongs all the characters

And none so for me!

A/N: This story was inspired by "The Thin White Sleuth..." by Pika-la-Cynique of Girls Next Door fame.

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After leaving rehab, Sarah's three were put on rotation for "make sure Jareth isn't being too much of an idiot" duty. (The Goblin King's words, not the trio's.) Over the next six years, the three along with any goblins who decided to show up, would arrive at 221b and see what the former Goblin King and his consulting detective friend were up to that day. Mainly it was murder or experiments.

The goblins were informed they could not touch anything in the kitchen since they were a little too "unobservant" (as Sherlock put it) to realize what was food and what was an experiment. Ludo was too large to fit into the kitchen. Sir Didymus was quite confounded by the body parts and why one would keep them in the home when they should be buried with honor. (Jareth smacked his flatmate when Sherlock suggested watching _The Silence of the Lambs_.) This left Hoggle in charge of snacks.

Now, if Hoggle made a nice MLT (mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe) for himself, it was not as if Jareth could bog him. Besides, Mrs. Hudson encouraged Hoggle to eat in 221. Mrs. Hudson made trickster gods vacuum when they broke something. Hoggle was not going to contradict Mrs. Hudson.

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Hoggle had become comfortable enough around Jareth to want to strangle the former Goblin King. He had become insufferable after Sherlock Holmes left. In the back of his mind, Hoggle worried what Jareth would do when he got his kingdom back. Would he chase after Sarah again? How would he react if she rejected him again? How would he react if she accepted him? (Hoggle laughed at that. Like Sarah would fall for that rat.)

However, this never came to be for Sarah ran into Jareth on her own and that led to a whole slew of events that led to Sarah living with Jareth. Hoggle still did not quite understand how that happened.

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Slowly but surely, Hoggle and Jareth reached a mutual concern over Sarah. They did not realize this until one day, Sarah came into the living room all dressed up. She tried to run past them and say, "I'm going on a date. I'll be back by one. I left some money for take-out. See you later!"

"What?" Hoggle said as he nearly dropped his sandwich.

"Come back here Sarah!" Jareth said.

Sarah walked back and sighed. "What?"

"Date? What date? Who has dared think he is worthy of your time?" Jareth said.

"Someone who I have already had three breakfast dates with," Sarah said, rolling her eyes.

Jareth sputtered. "But… but…"

"You've been busy with one case after the other. You have barely said 'hi' to me the past two weeks. Besides, if you can have flirty text with a dominatrix, I can go to dinner and a show with a nice fellow who Lestrade already did a background check on for me," Sarah said.

"But… but…"

"Jareth, we agreed to this in our flatmate agreement. You would not interfere with my love life unless there was a clear and present danger and I would not have to introduce my date to you unless it reached toothbrush levels."

"Toothbrush?" Hoggle asked.

Sarah blushed. "Never mind. I have to go."

"No, Sarah. Do explain to your dearest friend what the toothbrush rule is," Jareth said, smirking.

Sarah blush deepened. "I um… you see… unlike dwarfs, humans don't just spring out of holes in the ground. Certain activities must be involved to create children. There are some… risks involved. There are more risks involved than sharing a toothbrush. However, for some reason, it is considered less intimate to create children with someone than to share a toothbrush. If I, um, feel comfortable expressing my discomfort over the subject and I also feel comfortable enough to, um…"

"Share a toothbrush?" Jareth offered, his smirk growing larger.

"Shut up. I'm leaving." Sarah rushed down the stairs.

Hoggle scratched his head. "I think I understand. Don't you Fae get bound if you kiss?"

"Yes," Jareth said.

"And kissing involves your mouth like brushing your teeth, right?"

"Yes."

"Wait… you lot don't come from holes in the ground?"

"Hoggle, I think you are missing the point of this conversation."

"What is the point? I think it's about dental hygiene," Hoggle said.

"Sarah is going on a date. Now, poor Margaret went on a date with that Moriarty fellow and didn't know it. What if Sarah falls into the same trap?"

"Are you saying Sarah is stupid?"

"No!" Jareth said, "I am saying that people can be charming when they wish to be but are in no way honorable."

"Well, if they are as obvious as you were in the tunnels, I think Sarah is fine," Hoggle said.

Jareth glared. "I was subtle."

"You ain't never been subtle. I mean, I didn't know when she started, but I knew when you showed up you liked Sarah."

Jareth nodded.

"But… you're right," Hoggle said, "We should check to make sure Sarah isn't going out with someone like you. I'll go get some goblins on it."

"Excellent idea Hog… HOGGLE! GET BACK HERE! I WILL MAKE THE GOBLIN KING BOG YOU FOR SUCH INSULT!"

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Sarah stood in the middle of 221b, covered in primary color paint and glaring at Hoggle and Jareth. She tapped her foot in agitation. "You two are in trouble. Do you know how much trouble? BIG trouble. I was on a nice date and the goblins decided it would be fun to pelt us with paint. Now, who did you think they said sent them?"

Hoggle and Jareth pointed at the other. "IT WAS HIS IDEA!"

"You're right. The two of YOU did this. You two ruined my date. It was going so well… but no. That's not the point. The point is, the two of you need to stop ganging up together because you two have decided to put aside your differences and make my life miserable if you two are not involved in my activities. Good grief, since when have the two of you been bosom companions?"

The dwarf and the goblin looked dumbstruck. How could anyone even think that they acted like friends? Sure, they played games together, ate sandwiches together on a weekly basis, and conspired together against anyone unworthy of Sarah, but still, friends?

"You've lost it," Jareth and Hoggle said together.

"I rest my case," Sarah said, "You two are friends. Accept it. Move on. For example, on how you two are going to _stop messing up my dates_. Don't think I don't know about the ice incident."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jareth and Hoggle said together.

"It was stinking May. There was no ice anywhere else on the sidewalk," Sarah said.

Sarah's rant went on for a long time but an important thing did happen: Jareth and Hoggle realized that they did not hate each other quite as much as they previously thought.

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A/N: Up next (finally): "Of Nightmares and Kinsmen".


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